Hating myself for the life I have been in for the last few years and blaming myself for all the bad in my life. I never seem to be able to change the way I behave and believe to to fix myself for the best. I interrupt others because I don’t pay attention to them and what they are doing, I don’t think is what I’m told and it’s completely true I just end up interrupting important work, and fucking up what their doing.
I cry daily at our situation feeling, well you get what you deserve, asking myself what did I do to the universe to deserve this constant struggle for a better life.
Many days I want to end it all, what’s the point of being alive when life is nothing but hell.
Days like today leave me feeling restricted and locked off from others and myself due to my fears and worries.
It makes me angry at myself that I don’t know what to do about it, I think I can change myself and I will get better, but no All that ever happens is I get worse daily and bring more failure to myself and my family.
Sorry for having emotions I wish I was just a damn Vulcan again, it’s was easier than dealing with these damn things and people.
Butt that ain’t happening neither is checking out of the world 🌍, despite what I want the universe never lets you rest neither does humanity, so get over yourself, and actively seek change and just stop 🛑🛑🛑 the bad behavior, pessimistic thinking, and negative self talk, all of which was used by your blood family to demean and demoralize you, it not about growing up it’s about learning to listen to the presence of those kind the here and now who believe in you. Not the voices from the past that buried you in self loathing and damnation.
You are more than the sun of your parts.
AiDesigns2074 
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